Body Dysmorphia and Self-Esteem: My Struggle and Ways to Cope

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) isn’t just about looking in the mirror and not liking what you see—it’s about feeling like you're never enough, no matter what you do. It’s about obsessing over every little imperfection that no one else seems to notice but feels enormous to you. For me, body dysmorphia has been an ongoing battle, one that has shaped how I see myself and how I move through the world.

Living with Body Dysmorphia

I can still remember the first time I felt disgusted with my body. I was young, probably around ten years old, and I stood in front of the mirror, pulling at my stomach, wishing it was flatter. I didn't even understand why I felt that way—I just knew I didn't look the way I thought I should. That feeling never really went away; it only grew stronger over the years.

There were times when I would go days barely eating, feeling proud of myself when the hunger pangs kicked in because it meant I was "in control." I convinced myself that if I could just lose a few more pounds, I would finally feel confident, finally feel happy. But the reality was that no amount of weight loss ever made me feel better. Instead, it made me weaker, both physically and emotionally.

And then, when I started taking medication for my mental health, the weight gain hit me like a slap in the face. Suddenly, the body I had fought so hard to shrink was expanding against my will, and I felt like I had lost all control again. I would stare at old photos of myself, mourning a version of me that I once hated but now desperately wanted back. It was a cruel cycle—one that led to even lower self-esteem and deeper depression.

The Weight of Medications and Self-Esteem

Gaining weight from my medications has been one of the hardest things I’ve had to accept. Logically, I know these medications are keeping me stable, helping me function, but emotionally, I struggle every day with what I see in the mirror. I’ve cried in fitting rooms when clothes didn’t fit the way they used to. I’ve avoided events and gatherings because I didn’t want people to see how much my body has changed.

What’s hardest is that people don’t always understand. I’ve heard the well-meaning but dismissive comments: “You look fine,” or “Just eat healthier and exercise more.” But they don’t know the war that’s going on inside my head. They don’t know the guilt I feel when I eat something "unhealthy" or the way I scrutinize every inch of my body in the mirror.

Healthy Coping Strategies

Recovering from body dysmorphia isn’t about suddenly loving my body—it’s about learning to live with it, to be kind to it, even on the hard days. Here are some things that have helped me:

• Challenging Negative Thoughts: I try to remind myself that my perception of my body is often distorted. Writing down my thoughts and challenging them with logic has helped me separate fact from fiction.

• Limiting Mirror Time: The more I stare at my reflection, the worse I feel. I’ve learned to walk away before I start fixating.

• Practicing Self-Compassion: Instead of tearing myself apart, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to a friend. It’s uncomfortable, but it helps.

• Eating Mindfully: I remind myself that food is not my enemy. It’s not something to earn or punish myself with—it’s fuel for my body.

• Focusing on What My Body Can Do: Instead of obsessing over what I see, I try to appreciate my body for what it allows me to do—walk, create, hug the people I love.

• Therapy and Support Groups: Talking to professionals and others who understand has been one of the biggest game-changers for me.

How Loved Ones Can Support Us

If you love someone who struggles with body dysmorphia, your support means everything. Here’s what helps the most:

• Validate Their Feelings: Even if their concerns seem irrational to you, their pain is real. Saying “I know this is hard for you” means so much more than “You’re fine.”

• Avoid Body-Focused Comments: Even compliments about weight loss or appearance can be triggering. Instead, focus on their kindness, their strength, their creativity—things that truly matter.

• Encourage Professional Help: Sometimes, we need more than reassurance; we need real tools to navigate this. Gently encouraging therapy can be incredibly helpful.

• Be Patient: There will be bad days and setbacks. Just being there, offering a safe space, can make all the difference.

• Promote Healthy Habits Together: Instead of focusing on dieting or weight, engage in activities that promote overall well-being—like taking a walk together, trying a new hobby, or just spending time together without judgment.

Final Thoughts

Body dysmorphia isn’t something that just goes away, but it is something that can be managed. I’m still working on it every day, trying to unlearn years of self-criticism and replace it with kindness. Some days are easier than others, but every step toward self-acceptance is a victory.

If you’re struggling with this too, I want you to know you’re not alone. Your worth is not determined by your weight, your shape, or what you see in the mirror. You are enough, just as you are. And together, we can learn to believe that.