Finding Hope at Ponoka: My Journey Through Recovery and Rediscovery

Trigger Warning: This blog discusses suicidal ideation and mental health hospitalization. If you're struggling, please know you're not alone—and there is help.

As I am writing this, I’m currently admitted as a patient at the Ponoka Mental Hospital. Before my birthday this year, I didn’t think I would still be here. The pain had gotten so loud, so constant, and so overwhelming that I was ready to give up. I couldn't get through my breakup after 5 months. I didn’t trust myself anymore to not un-alive myself. I didn’t want to die exactly—I just didn’t know how to keep living the way I was.

In a moment of desperation, I went into Lacombe Emergency and asked for help with a letter telling them that I was suicidal. What happened next changed everything. I was transported by ambulance to Ponoka Centennial Centre for Mental Health and Brain Injury, and that decision may have saved my life. Even though I was mad about coming here.

A Safe Place to Fall Apart—and Rebuild

Being admitted was terrifying at first. I had no idea what to expect. I was withdrawing from marijuana and had to adjust to new medications, including coming off 3 antipsychotics which came with some tough side effects. But slowly, with help from the staff and doctors here, I started to feel something I hadn’t in a long time—hope.

I met with a psychiatrist in person—someone who actually listened to me, who didn’t just see my chart but saw me. That was new. That was healing and he helped me find some counselling and support groups. After I got my clothes back and was able to leave with visitors, things started to get better. I was supposed to be discharged today but asked to stay a bit longer as I don’t feel I’m ready to leave yet.

Things changed a bit when Dr. Ben (who has been great) went on holiday and I got Dr. Ernest here. 

Right from the start he was quite intimidating and accusatory. As soon as I told him I was gay his whole demeanour changed and was very rude and acted like it’s my fault I’m on the medications I’m on and almost accusing me of being prescribed them as if it was my own fault. Dr Ben said I could probably be discharged Monday (yesterday) but this one is changing my meds again and doesn’t know me and I told him the meds and doses I’m on are finally working now and I didn’t want to change anything and wanted to stay a bit longer to make sure the stuff Dr Ben did is working and he goes and changes my meds on me. I left having a panic attack and had to take a sedative after. Another patient in here left her appointment in distress as well.

Other than that everything has been very helpful here.

Becoming Me Again

The medication changes began to help, and little by little, I started to feel more like myself. More outgoing. More confident. I even found myself joining activities—something I’d never done before.

I hit the gym, played badminton (and won!), and one of the other patients even did my nails. These small moments brought pieces of me back that I thought I’d lost forever. The nurses—most of them, anyway—have been incredibly kind, patient, and supportive. I’m learning how to just be, without shame or pressure. I needed this break to get well and be able to relax from the pressures that were quickly killing me.

For the First Time in My Life—True Friends

What surprised me most was the people. I’ve always struggled with friendships, but here, surrounded by others who understand what it’s like to live with mental illness, I’ve found real connection. People talk to me. Share their stories. Trust me. And for once, I feel like I’m a safe place for others—just as they’ve become a safe place for me.

I even met someone who I now call my one of my best friends—someone who is just like me. We laugh, talk for hours, and help each other get through the hard days. I never expected to find friendship in a place I feared, but I’m so grateful I did. She is absolutely amazing and I’m so glad that I met her as we have so much in common and have been each others rock through this journey.

A Birthday I’ll Never Forget

I spent my birthday in the hospital this year—and oddly enough, it was one of the best I’ve ever had. My mom and dad came and took me out for lunch, and my best friend Michelle  and her sister visited with a thoughtful gift. Some of the other patients gave me snacks and pop, and I even got free ice cream and time in the rec room. I felt seen—maybe for the first time in a long time. I had so many people reach out and show me love, I feel so special. As much as I wish I was able to do my own birthday party in Calgary, I had a better time here with real caring people.

Lessons I’m Taking With Me

Being here at Ponoka has taught me more than I expected. I’ve learned that healing isn’t linear, that recovery takes time, and that connection is powerful medicine. I’ve learned that it’s okay to ask for help, and that even at your lowest, you’re still worth saving.

Most importantly, I’ve learned that I’m not alone—and neither are you.

Why I’m Sharing This

At Evolve Supply Co., our mission has always been about more than clothing. We’re here to start conversations, break stigmas, and remind people that healing is possible. That’s why 20% of all profits are donated to Rise Above The Disorder, a nonprofit helping people access therapy they otherwise couldn’t afford.

This brand was born from my own pain and my desire to turn it into purpose. And being here, getting the help I needed, is part of that journey. I’m proud to share it with you.

If you’re struggling, please don’t wait to ask for help. There is light on the other side of the darkness—and I promise you, it’s worth fighting for.

With love,
Tyler
Founder, Evolve Supply Co.
💛 You are human. You are healing. And you are never alone.